A Butterfly's lesson about Growth and Change

When the pandemic started, the world froze. Massive changes happened rapidly. Kids struggled in school and people approached burnout a lot faster than they anticipated. Our brains need time to process changes, and when the brain has no processing time, it often freezes. The amount of information we receive coupled with the vastness of the unknown becomes overwhelming.

When a caterpillar is ready to become a butterfly, it takes time to contain itself in a cocoon. It creates a container; a safe space that contains all the energy and building blocks for its transformation. In the safety of its cocoon, it starts the process of dissolving and building itself back up again.

We see this in humans as well. Students will take gap years in between college or graduate school. During that year, they may work or take an extended rest period; they start their gap year with so much excitement until one day they start questioning their decision. They grapple with the idea that they slowed themselves down or their inner voice tells them they are behind. They do not see the valuable skills they are learning to build the following steps of their journey. They do not hear the quiet conversations between their soul and brain. Like the butterfly, they are slowly reshaping themselves inside a safe container of routine they created for specifically for themselves. They will emerge with a newness, either with greater confidence and self-esteem or a new sense of direction to travel, due to a greater understanding of self. For all the fears and worries humans have about time, I have learned that, just like the butterfly, time is working for us instead of against us. Time is an essential ingredient for any transformation in life. Without time, a caterpillar cannot turn into a butterfly.

There is another lesson we learn from the butterfly. As a butterfly transforms and its new form starts to solidify, mucus is still present when the butterfly's anatomy takes shape. The struggle it goes through to break out of the cocoon is essential for the butterfly to survive its transformation. The pressure from the battle removes the sticky coating still on the new being , allowing it to start its new life.

If the cocoon opens from outside forces or opens too soon, the butterfly won't survive. A cocoon serves as a good metaphor for parents when dealing with teens--although I believe it applies to everyone. Teens will talk when they need to. Their silence often means they are trying to process and build up whatever they need to at the moment. If parents push too hard, the teens shut down. That doesn't mean parents can't check in on the cocoon so to speak, but breaking the cocoon can slow down the process. Change can not be forced.

A similar pattern can appear in therapy. Therapists become the cocoon for their clients, providing a container where anything can transpire that will help the client safely transform. Silence is another way therapists do not force open the cocoon. Clients will talk when they are ready, and they will emerge stronger because of it.

Let's all work together and provide space for friends, family members, students, etc., to change and grow at their own pace. Time is needed, and time is on our side.