The Power of "And"/ The Tyranny of "But"?

Any argument contains choice words, big gestures, loud voices, and buts.

"I got angry, but you started it."

"I love you, but you're annoying sometimes."

"I cleaned the dishes, but you never see them."

While these statements seem nice, they can actually be perceived as dismissive statements. "I love you, BUT" implies that the original "I love you" statement is not true. The word "but" deprives any statement before it of all sincerity and value.

I got angry because you started it.

I don't love you because you are annoying sometimes.

Using the word but can dismiss or invalidate the statement that comes before it.

If parents have not learned how to hold negative emotions in conjunction with positive emotions, they risk not knowing or understanding their child.

A teenager may voice that everything sucks and life is over. When this happens, parents can become triggered and their anxieties about negativity can quickly activate their "but "statements: but you have great friends, but I love you etc.

The word "and" combines statements which allows both to be true at the same time. Life can be terrible, and you can have great friends at the same time. Acknowledging both sides communicates that you see individuals as a whole person, the "good and bad. "

Life is most abundant when we acknowledge both sides of the story. It allows for the world and the person to feel seen and heard.

Life is hard and I believe everyone can gather support and rise to the challenge.